A true eye opener

As of right now I am very contradictory in a lot of ways. Tonight is our first night back to Mowbray near UCT campus from Guguletu, the township we spent this past week in. On one hand I really want to go out and hang out with the group, yet on the other hand I feel almost guilty. I would love nothing more than to make the 10 minute ride to Guguletu and go hang out with some of the most amazing people I have ever met! I feel a responsibility to everyone I have met and to everything I have experienced. I feel responsible to share their stories, my thoughts, and everything that really made this experience what it was.

So when I started this blog last night I really felt like I wasn’t prepared to really share my experiences. I really believe it hadn’t all really set in yet and I still don’t think I can do anything justice. However, after last night I believe I really started to realize how much of a life changing experience this has all been so far. Last night, Friday, we ended up going down to Long Street to go to a few bars and hang out. I was really up for anything but by the end of the night I was really frustrated with all that this trip has encompassed. I was frustrated with my group, with the people in South Africa, and just the general policies of this place that I am/was in love with. We hadn’t been out of Guguletu for 8 hours and people are already complaining/arguing about the dumbest things in this world. When our group was trying to find a bar we liked I knew there were people just trying to find food for the night. I truly felt embarrassed to be a part of a group that had forgotten our experiences in a few hours. Here is where my struggle has really come in to play. I know that I can’t stop and contemplate everything in my life and base it around other people, however I know that this trip will definitely make me change my outlook on life. Throughout my whole life I feel like I have always had a strong understanding of money. I attribute this solely to my dad. He has always been extremely hard working and always picks up every penny. That is something that I have really tried to keep up throughout my life, but after going to Guguletu and interacting with the people I really believe it has deepened my understanding even more. All in all, last night was the time that it all kind of made it full circle and really hit me. In a place where collectively we spent enough money to feed a family in one of the townships for a week, a month, or a year, I have never felt such a struggle between personal satisfaction and community unity. I know that I shouldn’t feel like I have to sacrifice one for the other, yet this is something I am trying to work on.